I ended up fucking some random girl from my phone book this morning. Well, not so random. We’ve had sex before – a couple of times – but it seems like ages ago.

I didn’t really fuck this girl, as much as I masturbated inside her. She was a object, a substitute for the woman I really wanted to fuck, but couldn’t.

The woman I wanted to fuck the shit out of – lives far, far away and properly doesn’t want to fuck me (?) but she turns me on, makes my cock throb, puts a lump in my throat, makes my mouth dry out, my balls curl up, my vision blurry, my heart race and fills my mind with uncontrollable thoughts … She makes me loose control.

I’ve masturbated to her so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve printed her pictures out and shot my load of semen all over them. I’ve tried to trick her into talking dirty with me – but with no luck – which is properly for the best.

This morning I called my old fuck buddy, she invited me over and the fucking began – not much talking, not much foreplay – not much of anything other than raw sex!

I kept my eyes closed almost the entire duration of the fuck, I kept seeing the other woman’s face, recalled her voice.

When it was all over, I ran to the shower, I didn’t even look at the girl who I just had my cock inside off. As soon as the shower was done, I ran out the door – the guilt, the shame, the horror – the realization of me being a egotistical, utter asshole was too much for me.

At the same time it had felt so good, so wrong. There were moments where it almost felt like I was really fucking her, fucking the one I wanted and not the sub.

The mind and it’s power is one hell of a powerful thing.